


Orange

by sydneycai



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: M/M, based on the manga orange, kinda emo but not so much, kinda shifts from past to present, the insecure brother trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 04:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15987968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydneycai/pseuds/sydneycai
Summary: yanjun knows that he’s never been anything more than the playboy brother, but he still tries.





	Orange

**Author's Note:**

> literally made this at a whim because i love orange and fell more in love with naho and suwa’s what if.

**Present**

 

 zhangjing works five hours a day in order to support his college education, as well as his parents. he’s cut himself off from everybody that he was friends with ever since his death.

 

 he works at a karaoke place, serving tables and listening to the patrons sing. sometimes it’s a good day and they don’t butcher the tone and lyrics, but most of the time they’re intoxicated or heartbroken and it’ll sound like crap.

 

 sometimes he just wants to drop his serving plate and steal the mic from them and show them what does it mean to sing, but he has dreams, and for now he’ll repress the urge.

 

 one day, he thinks, he’ll have his song being in sung in karaoke stations. this was a dream that he shared with him, and now he’ll just have to carry it alone.

 

 “welcome to dachang karaoke!” he greets the entering customer with a smile. he’s taken aback when he spots a familiar face.

 

 yanjun. “what are you doing here?” he says, a bit bras, his tone unwelcoming. he really didn’t expect visitors, and he was one of those that he didn’t want to see— it just reminded him of what he lost.

 

 “i just wanted to see you. it’s been so long since—“ zhangjing cuts him off, he doesn’t want to hear his name. he’s heard enough sorry’s and condolences to last him a lifetime. he cried for numerous days, when the nights feel as if they’ve blended into the days and the atmosphere of his room has become stuffy with the unfulfilled promises that he’s been holding on to for so long.

 

 “save it. you’ve seen me, are you happy now?” zhangjing says, and it delivered harsher than he expected that he wishes that he could take it back when he saw the hurt expression on yanjun’s face.

 

 but yanjun just bears it, shows a grin and continues to talk. “what time do you finish your shift?” zhangjing’s weary, he has no time for social interactions much less with someone like yanjun— they were too alike. too much that it hurts.

 

 “why?” yanjun checks his watch and calls over another employee. he fishes out a twenty dollar bill and gives it to her. “can you please take over zhangjing’s shift for me? i’ll pay more if it’s not enough.” he pleads with puppy eyes, and zhangjing knows that his co-worker wouldn’t resist it, heck, she’ll probably do it for free.

 

 “sure, sir!” zhangjing wants to whine, call her out for being too weak and falling for this man’s wily charms. she’ll just be another girl to yanjun anyway.

 

 he pulls yanjun closer, tip-toeing to reach be able to whisper into his ear. “why did you do that! i need to pay for my college and support my family unlike you, mr. rich kid.” he snarks, counting in his head on how much money’s going to fly away from his paycheck.

 

 yanjun takes pleasure in seeing zhangjing revert back to his old self— sarcastic and full of enthusiasm— then smirks. “how much is your wage per hour?” he asks the girl who he bribed to take over zhangjing’s place.

 

 “7 dollars per hour.” she says flustered, and yanjun swipes out a fifty dollar bill and tucks it into zhangjing’s pant pocket. “seven hours and some.” he whispers, then drags zhangjing out the karaoke place.

 

 zhangjing takes back his hand once they’re outside the shop, and throws a hissy fit. “i’m not your possession! can you please stop treating me like an object? aren’t you tired yet? there’s no more competition! your brother’s dead! wenjun’s dead!” he catches up on his breathing, staring at yanjun’s shocked face and he slumps down, tired because of his emotional outburst.

 

 he covers his face, and just lets the tears fall because he’s just too done with everything. yanjun crouches down to tip zhangjing’s face up, and he wants to tell him that it was never about the competition. it was never about my brother. it was about you, and it’s always been you.

 

 he admires zhangjing’s features, and even if he was downridden,  face streaked with tears, he still looked perfect to yanjun.

 

 “get up. you look ugly crying.” he says instead, because he’s never been more than the playboy brother of the person zhangjing loves the most.

 

 “you never change don’t you?” zhangjing laughs in the midst of his tears and he finally feels okay after so many months.

 

 “it’s my specialty.” he says, offering a hand to zhangjing as he pulls the two of them up. “now let’s get going.” he pats the dirt off his pants, and zhangjing expects a convertible to appear, but he just leads them to one big bike and zhangjing stands there dumbfoundedly.

 

 “what are we going to do?” yanjun stares at him like he’s stupid, and says “ride a bike, duh” as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

 “do you even know how to ride a bike?” he asks, hands on his hips, not trusting yanjun with anything, more importantly a bike.

 

 “yeah, i do. i learnt it with wenjun.” he says softly, and sometimes yanjun just wants to shout and let zhangjing realize that he’s there and the world doesn’t revolve around his brother.

 

 “oh.” they grow quiet, until yanjun can’t take it anymore and he pulls zhangjing on the seat and rides it all the way on top to this hill where the flowers are still in bloom.

 

 “how did you find this place?” zhangjing says in wonder, he takes a whiff of the fresh blooms and he can’t help but tear up.

 

 “thank you for taking me here. i always wished to be here, just sitting around in a meadow of flowers and soaking in the sun.” yanjun smiles, but his conscience is eating him up.

 

 it’s never his idea. he was never able to make zhangjing happy, and when he did it was because of wenjun. he felt disgusted in himself, taking advantage of zhangjing at a low point in his life.

 

**Past**

 

 “yanjun!” he turns around his head to see that wenjun’s calling him with a bright smile on his face. he can’t help but scowl, it’s too early in the morning for his bullshit.

 

 “what is it?” wenjun produces two bouquets of flowers in his hands, “what do you think’s better?” yanjun looks over them for a second and points lazily at the second bouquet.

 

 no matter how lax yanjun seems, he still has a soft spot for his brother, and most importantly, he has an eye for these type of things. one reason why girls fall for him.

 

 “thank you yanjun!” wenjun hugs his brother, and it’s strange because wenjun has never been this excited for any date. ever.

 

 “who’s your date?” wenjun smiles shyly, and speaks in this small voice that yanjun has only heard him speaking in once— when zhengting agreed to be his prom date back in senior high— and he knows it must be him.

 

 “zhangjing.” his heart clenches a bit, and he urged it to calm down. but his heart has never been tamed, and loving someone seriously is a new emotion to him.

 

 “hmm. i see.” that’s the only thing that he manages to say, and he doesn’t mean for it to come across this way, but he can’t help being selfish. he can’t help claiming zhangjing for himself; to be the one that shows up and takes zhangjing’s arm. but he has to face it that he’s just the annoying brother, and he has to live with that title.

 

 “what about you? do you have a date?” yanjun knows that he’s just asking this for the sake of courtesy, but it feels like he’s rubbing alcohol in an open wound. wenjun doesn’t have to remind him that he has a date, and that yanjun can have one too, but never with the person he actually likes.

 

 “you’re just rubbing it in my face aren’t you?” he mumbles, facing away from wenjun. wenjun sits beside him, and it’s either he ignored what yanjun said or he didn’t hear it.

 

 “i’m going to take him to this place i found, it’s seventy percent flowers and thirty percent grass and it’s just breathtaking. zhangjing always tells me that he wants to visit a place like the one in the sound of the hills and i can’t wait to see his face when we reach there. we’re going to ride a bike all the way there.”

 

 yanjun can picture it: wenjun and zhangjing laying side by side, smiling at each other and debating on whoever’s prettier, the flowers or them. it’s too fucking cheesy, and he wants it with zhangjing.

 

 wenjun drones on, but yanjun has selective hearing and he chooses not to listen. instead he pretends, just like he always does. he’ll sometimes nod his head and act like he’s interested because he won’t admit it but he likes it when wenjun’s eyes sparkle when someone takes an interest to whatever he’s talking about.

 

 he plasters a smile on his face, trying to push down the bubbling jealousy deep inside of him. he reminds himself that that’s your brother, and he should be happy for him but he just can’t.

 

 the thing is, yanjun’s a known playboy and he always gets wenjun’s exes, but one thing’s always been said to him— that he can’t compare to wenjun, and they regret leaving wenjun for him. yanjun’s heard this line too many times, patted their backs, and sometimes this leads to a heated make-out session or they’ll just leave his apartment as a sobbing mess because they’re so sorry.

 

 he doesn’t care by now, but with zhangjing it’s different and he’ll take any chance he can get to change it. even if it means stealing him from his brother’s hands.

 

 sometimes he just wants to rip open his ribcage and take out his heart, because he won’t be able to bear backstabbing his brother, but he also can’t bear to just watch zhangjing from a distance.

 

 it isn’t like this at first, it was only a joke, a harmless game that didn’t mean anything. he remembers teasing zhangjing, because like a hundred others, he’s smitten with wenjun, and zhangjing thinks that the sun shines out of his ass. he enjoys seeing zhangjing blush. when zhangjing’s eyebrows bunch together because of annoyance he’s absolutely enthralled.

 

 but as time goes by, he’s not happy anymore. he doesn’t want to see zhangjing displaying these kind of emotions because of wenjun anymore; he wants to see him blush because of him, he wants to see zhangjing smile, and think that the sun shines out of his ass.

 

 wenjun interrupts his train of thought when he shoved his phone in front of his face. “doesn’t he look cute?” yanjun had to back away a bit to see, and his palpitations quickens up.

 

 “yeah, i guess.” he waves off nonchalantly, because the sight of zhangjing in pastel holding up a peace sign does things to his belly and he’s not going to admit that.

 

 “one day, you’ll see zhangjing in a new light, and he’ll take your heart.” wenjun laughs at the idea, but the irony is not loss on yanjun when his heart was never his own to begin with.

 

 “anyway, i’ll have to get going! i’ll be late for my date.” yanjun just nods at him, and wenjun lingers a bit longer, staring at him until he finally decides to leave.

 

 yanjun decides to call up one of the girls that asked for his number a few days ago, asking if she was busy. the answer’s obviously no, and that’s why she’s clinging onto his arm like a panda to a bamboo, giggling every few seconds at nothing.

 

 he wishes that he’d just stay home and play pubg, but no. he has to be with someone or else he feels lonely. he hates himself because of this.

 

 his phone rang, like an intervention from heaven and he excused himself to pick it up. “hey! what’s the matter?” he didn’t bother to check the caller id, he just wanted to be out of that girl’s presence.

 

 “yanjun.” he hears zhangjing’s voice, a bit soft and mellow and his heart skips a beat. “it’s wenjun… he’s—“ zhangjing didn’t even finish his sentence when he broke into full on sobs, and yanjun could hear the despair in his voice. he’s powerless, and he can’t comfort him.

 

 “what happened to wenjun?” he asks, his palms a bit sweaty and somehow he hopes that it’s nothing serious. “he’s gone.” yanjun doesn’t believe in the way dramas pause, and do a slow-motion while the caller drops his phone, but it happens to yanjun, and he only got to his senses when he heard his phone drop to the floor with a thud.

 

 he can hear zhangjing’s voice, asking him where he is when yanjun bends down to pick up his phone with shaky hands. “wh-what?” he asks, an impending sense of doom makes him feel like there’s bile rising up his throat.

 

 “he’s gone yanjun. dead. a speeding truck hit him while he was on his way to me. yanjun, tell me. is it my fault?” he says the last part sobbing, too much sadness coating his voice, blaming himself for the sudden death of wenjun.

 

 yanjun couldn’t say anything, too fazed to even react. they remain on the line, taking comfort in each other— and perhaps, both thinking that they’re to blame.

 

**Present**

 

 “it’s not my idea.” yanjun says, while zhangjing bites into his sandwich. “what?” zhangjing says, his mouth stuffed with food, eyes glimmering with joy.

 

 “it’s wenjun’s. before he got into—“ he can’t say it. not in zhangjing’s presence… and not even when he’s alone. he still won’t accept it.

 

 “he told me about taking you here. i’m sorry zhangjing.” zhangjing looks at him surprised, and yanjun braces himself for a slap, but instead he hugs him. yanjun relishes their embrace, while zhangjing rubs circles on his back.

 

 “thank you for being honest with me.” he says, and in the midst of it, all the memories come back— of how warm wenjun was, of how he was always there for him— and he cries.

 

 perhaps zhangjing has been waiting for this, for this realization from yanjun, and maybe it’s the reason why he didn’t like to see yanjun. because why isn’t it hurting like him, and maybe zhangjing judged yanjun all long. maybe they’re more alike than they seem.

 

 zhangjing has cried enough for his tear ducts to dry, and this time, he should start thinking about how his death affected others, more than himself. how yanjun— wenjun’s own flesh and blood— might have been an easy-go-luck person, but there might be guilt, sadness, and longing underneath all the facade.

 

 “i’m sorry.” zhangjing says, cutting the silence. yanjun looks up at him, his eyes red, and it surprised zhangjing, because he’s never been anything than perfect, and he never ever shows his weakness.

 

 “what are you saying sorry for?”

 

 “i’m the reason why he’s gone.” zhangjing says it in a soft voice, and although he has blamed himself, cried because of it for so many weeks, it still brings tears to his eyes, guilt pounding on his ribcage.

 

 he looks up to prevent the tears from forming, and yanjun wipes it away. “it’s not your fault. it’s not.”

 

 he whispers, reassuring zhangjing. and maybe that’s just what zhangjing needed— a crying shoulder, someone to tell him that it’s ok, and that it’s not his fault.

 

 “i love you zhangjing.” he says softly, softer than any of his previous words because this is something that he had kept bottled inside, and he’s so unsure and so afraid that he whispers it.

 

 zhangjing, with his puffy eyes and runny nose, smiles. “i know. wenjun told me.” yanjun never expected for wenjun to catch on, and perhaps he has underestimated his observational skills.

 

 “would you choose me?” his heart is bursting out of his ribcage, and it’s so fucking loud that he hears it.

 

 “i like you yanjun. i liked you way before i liked wenjun. you were the reason why i knew how to love someone. but i’m not ready. i’m not yet fully healed.” yanjun’s flabbergasted, because fuck when did zhangjing liked him?

 

 zhangjing saw the puzzled expression on his face, and he chuckles. “i liked you as soon as i transferred to this school. truth is, you look very fierce. but the reason why i took notice of you is—“

 

 he stops, reminiscing the past. “you took care of this underclassman. i know you didn’t know his name, and you probably wouldn’t remember him, but he remembers you. he remembers the way you carried him, even though he’s a tad bit heavy, and you looked at him with concern. that underclassman came from a particularly awful school, who kept on bullying him for not fitting into society’s standards. and once you set foot in the nurse’s office, you didn’t leave until you made sure until he was ok.”

 

 yanjun remembers this. he remembers who it was. “that underclassman was you.” zhangjing smiles, “bingo.” he says, a finger gun pointing at him.

 

 “but why? why wenjun?” zhangjing chuckles, and even though yanjun is older, he is still naive about life. “because he was there when you weren’t. you were busy chasing girls and your dreams, while wenjun took notice of how i looked at you, and he started to tease me. the teasing turned into me liking him, and him liking me back.”

 

 and yanjun never understood the importance of being there until now. he could’ve had the person of his dreams if he just wasn’t so fixated on the idea of being better than his brother.

 

 “i love you, yanjun. but sometimes love isn’t enough.”

 

 at this moment, yanjun understands. yanjun understands what was it that made girls flock to wenjun more, why he’ll never be their weekly flavor. it’s because he has a pull, and because he’s always there. he’s been there from the start, and he’d cry for you, take care of you. he knows it would take some time before zhangjing— or any of them fully recovers from his death.

 

 yanjun smiles. “i know.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me in [twitter](https://twitter.com/wanglinkais) hehehe
> 
> got questions drop them in [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/sydneygui)
> 
> hope i tugged your heart or smthng!! leave a comment and kudos if u liked it <3


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